Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Randomize
