nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Bring me that man meat
Randomize
