My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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