You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
