I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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