Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
