id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
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My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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