That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
