I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
