So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
They have beer where we have blood.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
