this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
