Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
