god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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