I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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