i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
