She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
