Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I need to align my fucking chakras
I came so hard my ears popped.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
