Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
