Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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