We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
That accounts for only three of the penises
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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