just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
