Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
