i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
