i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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