he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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