Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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