new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize