Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize