My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
