Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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