He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
