I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Drake has all the answers
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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