im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
