i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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