You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
