I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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