Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i think im in europe. pls send help
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
