New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
