I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
