Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
