She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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