Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Drunk is not a location!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
