hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
