$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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