i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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