Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
