I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
