i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
