I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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