Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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