he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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