Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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