Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize