she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
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We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
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Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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