Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
there was a trapeze. enough said
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
