Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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