did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I touched a dick in church today
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
