hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
