so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
