i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
