I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
