She even gives head with a lisp.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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