I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
