Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize